Her Butterfly

 

A few weeks ago Abby and I went for a little walk down our street. Before we left the house I gave her a grocery bag so she could put things she found in there and take them home. I am not kidding when I say it took us at least twenty minutes to walk about 6 houses down because she was so careful about selecting the right things to put into her bag. When we finally get to the 6th house (which has security cameras around it…don’t ask) she looks down in the grass and sees this big beautiful butterfly. I knew right away that it was dead, but it looked like it had just landed there so it was still “standing” up.

Abby “ mommy, look at the buteeeful butterfly mommy, look do you see it”

Me “ yes honey its beautiful”

Abby “ mommy can I touch it? is it sleeping”

Me “ well honey, hes actually dead, it just looks like hes sleeping”

Abby “ no, his leg is hurt, that’s why he is resting, he has to fix his leg”

Me “ ok, well lets let him rest and we can keep walking”

Abby “ I will help him mommy, I will fix his leg”

And with that, before I could say anything she emptied out her bag of sticks, rocks, and leaves she had so carefully collected and placed them in a circle around her butterfly.

Seriously beautiful

The Elf That Got Away

 

After Christmas last year I was determined that we would have Elf on the Shelf this year. O yes, I had planned some fun/funny things for this little guy to do. I had spotted out creative places for him to venture to and some trouble he could get into.

Well here we are, three days into December (80 degrees and all), and I never got around to buying that elf. Dave and I were talking about it the other night and I think it was for the best.

Here's the thing(s):

- Abby is smart. Not that your kid is not, but she thinks of things most three year olds don’t, and you know what yall? She out smarts me all the time. I am not a good liar, like at all. I have the worst memory in the world and she has an excellent memory.

- I don’t like to lie to my kid, partly because it’s wrong, but mostly because I am no good at it. Again, I think it goes back to the memory thing, and the fact that I seriously lack in the creativity department.

- Abbys imagination is wild, beyond anything I have ever seen and I have worked with kids for 15 years. If anyone has spent more than 5 seconds with her you have met her kids (brothers and sisters), her friends, and some have been lucky enough to meet Seal and Owl. Yep, I am thinking that adding a little man with pointy ears that wanders the house at night might end badly for all of us.

- Last but not least, I don’t want to add to the exaggeration of Santa. Don’t get me wrong, I love Santa, and I seriously look forward to being able to use him to change behavior in an instant. However, I don’t believe I need to feed the big guys ego by letting his tight tights wearing little helper  creep around our house and cause me more explaining when Abby discovers THE TRUTH about Mr. Beer belly and his red nosed friend. Again, not good at lying and posses no creativity at all.

Here’s one story that has stuck with me for over ten years… I was teaching pre k (fours and young fives) and I was telling them about donating toys at Christmas time because some boys and girls don’t always get toys at Christmas time because their parents can’t afford it. One of the little kids looked at me and said “Ms Erin, why doesn’t santa bring them toys”? I was really caught off guard and I don’t even remember what my response was. All I remember thinking was that we don’t always give kids enough credit and we usually think they are so simple minded, they really aren’t and when we are honest with them they have a chance to show us that.

What never was

 

Growing up you usually dream of how your life will be when you are an adult. For most people it involves college, marriage, and kids. As little girls you dream of your wedding day and then the kids you will raise. Ask most any girl and they can tell you their hopes and dreams for their future.

But what happens when that dream fades and reality starts to sneak it’s way in? Can you mourn something you never had, or that was never yours to begin with?

What happens when you look back at your family growing up and realize that it wasn’t anything like you had remembered. You start to see the pain and hurt and anger that had been there all along. You often hear that children are products of their environment. What happens when you realize that you are the complete opposite of your environment? What happens when you see that you don’t want to be anything like the environment you grew up in? Even more, what happens when you realize that you don’t belong in what was once your home?

What happens when the marriage and kids that you had always imagined does not turn out the way you dreamed? Often times two people fall in love and start off on the same path. Somewhere along the way the path gets rocky and will shake you to your core. What happens when the one dream you share splits and you are left alone on your path? What happens when you the pain is too great to carry and you can’t take it any more? What happens when you realize in one moment that the dreams, hopes, and prayers you had are wasted and tossed aside?

Can you grieve for a family member that is still alive? Can you mourn for a child that was never yours? Can you let go of a dream that will never be?

God gives us the strength we need for each day. He is already there and knows what and who we will need that day. Sometimes, even if it was never yours to begin with, you need to let it go and give it to God.