What never was

 

Growing up you usually dream of how your life will be when you are an adult. For most people it involves college, marriage, and kids. As little girls you dream of your wedding day and then the kids you will raise. Ask most any girl and they can tell you their hopes and dreams for their future.

But what happens when that dream fades and reality starts to sneak it’s way in? Can you mourn something you never had, or that was never yours to begin with?

What happens when you look back at your family growing up and realize that it wasn’t anything like you had remembered. You start to see the pain and hurt and anger that had been there all along. You often hear that children are products of their environment. What happens when you realize that you are the complete opposite of your environment? What happens when you see that you don’t want to be anything like the environment you grew up in? Even more, what happens when you realize that you don’t belong in what was once your home?

What happens when the marriage and kids that you had always imagined does not turn out the way you dreamed? Often times two people fall in love and start off on the same path. Somewhere along the way the path gets rocky and will shake you to your core. What happens when the one dream you share splits and you are left alone on your path? What happens when you the pain is too great to carry and you can’t take it any more? What happens when you realize in one moment that the dreams, hopes, and prayers you had are wasted and tossed aside?

Can you grieve for a family member that is still alive? Can you mourn for a child that was never yours? Can you let go of a dream that will never be?

God gives us the strength we need for each day. He is already there and knows what and who we will need that day. Sometimes, even if it was never yours to begin with, you need to let it go and give it to God.

That Moment When

That moment when you are at the park and you realize there is a mom more crazy and paranoid than you and you secretly do the “I'm a great mom” dance

That moment when you realize you put the blue paint cap on your bottle and are now drinking blue paint water…yum

That moment when the random old man at Wal Mart approaches you in the parking lot (with your child) and ask if you knew that there was a Sears outlet store on the other side of town where I can buy clothes half off. Yup, can’t make that stuff up. I guess I was not meeting the Wal Mart dress code

That moment when your three year old is showing how to do that Pilates move correctly.

That moment when your mother tells you that her and her bible study group decided we need an African fertility god statue in our room. We have hit an official all time low in phone conversations, but I think I know what will be in our stocking

That moment when someone asks you what today is and your response is “cycle day 14, it’s a good night” and realize you have spent way too much time at the RE

That moment when you realize that you would have shown up for work this week if that boss had not sent out that “reminder” email

That moment when you have already put the kids to bed and realize you are still watching Curious George

 

6 years

 

Dave and I have been married six years now! It really is crazy how time flies. I saw a  while ago a quote that went something like this “ You should always look back on your wedding day and think that is the time I loved you the least”, something like that. It really is true and I cannot believe how much God has worked in our marriage to make us as strong as we are now. My brother was over the other night and he said he believed that you should always put your children first in your marriage and then your spouse. I told him I totally disagree. I believe that God comes first, then your spouse and then your kids. I love that I have married my best friend and the man of my dreams (= I do know that if it weren’t for Dave I would not be the wife and mom that I am today. I know how blessed I am to have a husband who prays with me and for me, there are no words that describe what peace that brings me. I pray all the time that Abby will find a man as good and devoted as her daddy…but those are big shoes to fill.