Encouragement Through Defeat

 

Dave and I decided a while ago that we didn’t want cable in our house. I really see no need to pay for trash and I certainly don’t want my child seeing it. We do keep up with the news online, but I even try to limit that because of all the negative stories I hear. I am usually good at not letting what I do hear get to me too deeply but some things hit your heart and it takes a while to let go.

The other day I turned on the computer and saw a picture of hundreds of women fighting for late term abortions in Texas. It hit me like a mac truck. I was shocked, sad, and angry all at the same time. I am so saddened that these are the same people who will scream till they are blue in the face that we need harsher gun laws because even if it will “save just one life” it will be worth it. What cowardly hypocrites! How many millions of lives are you ending by fighting for late term abortions. You get so so upset and claim that people are trying to take away your freedom of choice, but you seem to forget that you had the choice to not have sex in the first place. You seem to forget that there is a living being inside of you with a heart beat that can feel pain. You seem to forget that pregnancy is temporary and there are so many precious families wanting and praying for a baby to adopt.

At that moment I felt so defeated and so sad that it really kept me down for a few days. I think what makes me so sad is that some day I will have to explain to my daughter that there is so much hate and evil and sin in this world that sometimes it does seem like a dark place to live in.

I get my strength by remembering that God is good. He is so good all the time and he has not abandoned us. Even when all we see around is anger and wrong doing, He is good. God can take our sadness and it use it for good. He can take our fears and turn it into faith. He will not let go of us, even in a world that’s letting go of Him.

      

That Darn Cat

 

A few weeks ago Abby was out back with Dave while he was cutting the grass. I was inside washing dishes and she came in the back door and said “ mommy, come look at my baby”. I usually don’t drop what I am doing and go see her babies because then nothing would ever get done, but for some reason this time I decided to put on my shoes and go with her. She takes me to the back porch and points down at this little black ball of fuzz. My first thought was that the cat brought us a dead mouse…because she’s thoughtful like that, but when I bent down I realized it was a bunny.

Yep, our cat found a bunny den or hole or whatever it is called and decided we needed another pet. We took it inside and wrapped it up. I looked around online and found a lady about thirty minutes away who rescued bunnies. So yes, of course we drove all the way out to this house to save an orphaned bunny. Praise the sweet Lord this little guy made it because I really didn’t know what you do with a deceased baby bunny and how you explain it to a three year old.

Ikea

 

Last month we made a trip to Ikea with some friends from Oklahoma. A few things to point out here: said friends have no kids. Said friends wanted to go to lunch and then go shopping. Said friends have no kids and therefore do not grasp the concept of nap time.

Dave and I have not been to Ikea since 2006, when we went then it was Super Bowl Sunday and it was empty. This trip was on a Saturday after lunch. Lets just say there were a few more people this time around.

I had honestly forgotten how massive the place is. Seriously, this.place.is.huge!!  We started upstairs, grabbed some carts, and we joined the mob.

Said friends are building a house, so they had a lot to shop for. We were buying Abby a bed (because she has been on the floor for over a year). All went really smooth for the most part…and then we found the big sections of beds. We let Abby out of the cart while we looked around to find hers. I thought Dave had Abby and he thought I had her, turns out she climbed into one of the beds, under the covers and all, and was just relaxing. Yes, my germ-a-phobness kicked into massive over drive. On top of that the lady working there gave me a not so nice stink eye. Obviously Abby knew it was nap time.

We finally reached the elevator to go downstairs. Dave got so excited and says “ well that wasn’t too bad, I thought it would take a lot longer”.  O sweet husband of mine, don’t you know this is a marathon, not a sprint. His friend looked at him and started laughing. “ Dave, this is the half way mark”.

I must say, the girls at this point were definitely holding up way better than the guys. Even Abby was holding it together better than the adult men. In their defense though, they really had no reason to be there other than to push the carts. They pretty much have no say in the decorating and honestly I don’t think they even care.

Mom of the year did not bring any snacks,water, or any form of entertainment(proof kids can live without smart phones and other gadgets), but I did remember one important item…

BLANKET!!! O yes, my sweet girl fell right asleep and stayed like that for an hour! Can you believe it?!? #lovethatgirl

The guys were beyond thrilled when we were done, and we decided that next time we will do a girls only trip, I mean I really can push my own cart.

I really think Ikea could make the “experience” a little more pleasant for men. For instance, about every 50 feet or so there should be a beer fountain with frosted mugs and beer on tap. They could also put in some big screens and have any and all games on. Now, I do see how this could become a hazard when they are pushing the carts, don’t worry, I have thought this through…bumpers! Finally, to keep the good Christian men from complaining, they need to have this verse written every where in the giant warehouse

“ Do everything without complaining or arguing” ph 2:14.

Two Years (part two)

the first part of this is down a few posts, not sure how that happened and I am not patient enough to try and change them around

When it comes to dealing with fertility issues there are so many aspects of your life that get effected and I have been through them all.

Money Money Money

To begin with there is the financial part. We knew from the get go that our insurance, like most others, does not cover any of the treatments. They cover any diagnosis but no treatments. Another sucky part, our taxes are going up and you know what we are paying for? Abortions. We are now funding late term abortions for people who cannot keep their legs closed and feel we should pay for them to murder their unborn innocent child.  The Clomid is not too bad, around 20 bucks, the Ovidrel shot is 120 bucks, and the IUI is 430 bucks (unless it falls on a weekend or holiday, mine did, and its another extra 30). Add all that to the 50 bucks (plus another thirty for the weekend) and you are looking at 1100ish bucks for the whole cycle. Not sure if you have been in our backyard lately, but our trees are lazy and are not growing money like they should. The other day Abby and I were at a friends house and her dogs were both very sick, like verge of death sick. She was so upset because they could not afford the surgeries the dogs needed and she said “If I were a millionaire my dogs would not be sick and in pain” I thought how ironic, if I were a millionaire I could afford fertility treatments as long as we wanted. We have also discussed doing IVF, but last time I checked no one is dropping off 15 grand on our doorstep.

Friendships

In the two years we have been trying to get pregnant I have had close to a dozen friends get pregnant and deliver their child. Am I happy for them? Yes, of course. Does it hurt? Like holy hell it hurts. I have backed out on baby showers like it’s my job because I could not bare to go. I have made excuses not to go see them in the hospital or even at home. Selfish? Yup. Do I love my friends and their babies? Yes,more than they will ever know.

Marriage

Husbands hurt too. For a long time I wondered why Dave was not a mess like me. I thought that maybe he didn’t really want another kid and he was just going along with this to keep me happy (he’s pretty awesome like that). False! The truth is more often than not your husband hurts right along with you, they just don’t fall on the floor crying about it. They deal with emotions differently, and that’s ok. My husband hurts with me and he hurts for me. He would love nothing more than to add another life to our home, but he is also so thankful and grateful for what we do have. Infertility has shaken us up a bit, I don’t think there is any marriage that has dealt with infertility that has not been shaken. We have had our hard times but in all honesty it has made us so much stronger. My husband is my rock and my support, without his love and understanding I would be a much bigger mess than I am.

Abby

My daughter is darn near perfect, seriously, I wouldn’t change a thing about her. We have our rough days and we have our rough, rough, rough days. More often than not we have our great days. I love my daughter more than I ever thought I could love someone. With that being said (and at the risk of be judged) I will say that there was a time a long time ago that I was angry with her. Seriously, I was so angry at her because I thought that since I had such an amazing daughter I was never going to have another child. Crazy thought? O yes, and there are so many more where that came from. These feeling and thoughts did not last long, but they were there and I still get mad at myself today for even having those thoughts. The truth is we are beyond blessed with Abby.  Sometimes I think she makes it harder. Having a daughter like her makes me want to have ten more. She’s awesome, so of course I assume all my kids will be like her! And then there’s her brothers and sisters. For a while now she has been talking about her brothers and sisters. They go every where with us and they even get in trouble. It breaks my heart that she sees all her friends with siblings and she doesn’t have any. She also loves babies, like more than me maybe. We were in Target one time and she said “ Momma, go get that baby”. I had to explain to her that it was not our baby and we cannot just go get someone else's baby from them. I know she would/will make such a great big sister.

Stupid People

They are everywhere aren’t they? I am not really the best at filtering what comes out of my mouth(shocker right?), but I will say that this journey has helped me big time. Bottom line people.suck. Honestly, I don’t think that most people really even know that what they are saying is hurtful or ignorant, but when in doubt…shut it! I have heard everything from “ just pray about it” to “ I don’t think you should be doing any of these treatments because its just not natural”. I had one lady tell me that since I only have one kid it makes sense that I can surround myself with kids at the preschool. OOO, is that right??? Or maybe, just maybe, I really enjoy kids?? Maybe I really like that I can teach the word of God to the littlest most innocent people too. Crazy, I know, but maybe me working at a preschool is not my cure for “only having one kid”. I also hear the one about “ well with only one kid you can do so much more…travel, eating out, buying things” News flash!!! Dave and I are not “stuff” people. Having children is much more fulfilling than traveling. I have traveled to places that people only dream of, and you know what? Being pregnant and holding my baby was way way more amazing that any of those places.

Doubt

Satan is a sneaky little sucker isn’t he? In the past two years I have convinced myself of many things. Many wrong things, but it has taken me two years to see the truth. I am a horrible mother and God knows that I do not deserve any more kids. About two months ago I finally woke up one morning and realized this is insane. Am I perfect? No way! Being a mom is hard stuff, no joke about it, but just because I am not “that mom” who has everything all figured out and perfectly organized does not mean I am a horrible mother. I also convinced myself that Dave probably regrets marrying me because had he married someone else he would be able to have all the kids he wants. Crazy thought? Yep, I told you there were a lot of them. I know my husband loves me for me and not for the amount of children I can produce. I am broken. Well, truthfully we are all broken, its just part of being human. We are born broken and born into a broken world. In many ways my body does not work the way it should, sucks for me, but could be a lot worse. Satan did a great job of planting these thoughts in my head and worked non stop to keep them growing. I can finally see the truth and I know that I am a great mom, Dave loves me no matter what, and yes, my body may not be working right, but I know it can do what it needs to do because I have Abby. I will say that one doubt that remains on my head is why in the world I would want to bring more innocent children into this world the way it is now. On December 14 ( the day of the shooting) I had an appointment at 1pm. They were running behind so I sat in the waiting area for over half an hour and watched the news coverage of the shooting. I was thinking to myself ( and still think this way) that we are nuts for wanting to bring more kids into this world. As of now, the desire to have more kids is still stronger than the fear I have of what’s happening in our society, but it’s a close race. For now the desire, the want, the longing for another kids is stronger than any fears and doubts that are running through this crazy head of mine.

 

Hello Neighbor

I will admit that I still have Abby’s monitor in her room. Yes she is three, and yes, I am an over worrier. I am ok with this.

A few weeks ago I was doing housework when she brought me the part of the monitor that I have in my room, the part with the screen so I can see her room. She handed it to me and said “is that my crib”? I wasn’t paying attention, so I said “no honey, it’s your bed, you don’t have a crib anymore”.  She wouldn’t stop saying its her crib and so I finally looked at it. Sure enough it is a clear picture of a baby crib! I could see every detail in there, sheets, stuffed animals, and blankets. We now continue to have a monitor in her room, but I put about a gazillion pieces of tape over the camera part so you cannot see in her room. Creepy much?

Question

What do you get when you give a sick child red Gatorade at 4am?

A: Red carpet at 4:30am

Saturday night I told Dave that we are going to church tomorrow no matter what, unless someone is throwing up. Yup, I said it. Yup, she did it. I hate to admit it, but we haven’t been to church in a long long time, and I was determined we were going, no.matter.what. Well, the best laid plans, right?

Two Years (part one)

Two years, 24 months, 104 weeks, 730 days. Two years ago we started trying to grow our family.

just a note, this may be long, but this is for me really, so that hopefully, one day I can look back and see how far I have come

It all started Dec 26, 2010. We were putting away Christmas decorations and I felt something. Something I had not felt ever before except when I was pregnant with Abby. I remember looking up at Dave and saying “ I think I am pregnant”, I just felt it. Obviously I was not, but that got the ball rolling. From then we decided that it was time to start trying again, it did take us two years to get pregnant with Abby. We tried that whole year with no fertility treatments until December. My doctor found a cyst growing inside my left ovary and it had tripled in size in three months, bottom line, it had to come out. During that surgery he was able to remove other cysts that were around my ovaries and burned out all the endometriosis he could find. The bright side of this surgery was that he was almost certain we could get pregnant within 3-6months afterwards. Obviously that did not work either.

Around April I went back in to talk about the next step and what our options were. He told me he thought we should start basic fertility treatments, and I of course said no. Here's the thing,I don’t like medicine, like at all. I have weird reactions to it, usually opposite from what everyone else has, so I really didn’t want to start going down that road. I love my doctor and he knows how I feel about all that so he simply said he would recommend me going to a fertility specialist by August if we were not pregnant then. So it was set, Dave and I had agreed that was what we were going to do.

Funny thing happened when August came around…Dave got laid off. Yup, the exact same week I was going to make the phone call too. What did we do? We went ahead and set up the appointment, the consultation is free, so why not?

The consultation went really well, we loved the doctor and he was really optimistic. He made it seem like once we were ready to move forward it would be so simple and I would be pregnant in no time. I will never forget Dave looking around at all the pictures of babies and then saying “ wow, there sure are a lot of twins”.

We were so blessed that Dave found a job right away and they only made us wait thirty days before our insurance kicked in. The same week our insurance kicked in was the same week I needed to start the treatments. Our original plan was to do Clomid, and Ovidrell and nothing else. After a couple of appointments and some sonograms the nurse thought we would have a much better chance of getting pregnant if we did an IUI. This was on a Friday morning and I had to make the decision by noon. The odds were really looking good at this point. At the last sonogram they saw that I had 6 good eggs, so of course I was thinking that there was no way this could not work. Some more info to know, every time I walked into the doctor it was fifty bucks, unless my appointment falls on the weekend and then it was eighty. Of course most of mine were on the weekends, because why not? So I went in on Saturday and had the IUI done. Two weeks later they tell you to take a pregnancy test and come in for blood work if its positive, if not, you start the whole cycle again. One cycle like this cost us over 1100 dollars. Yep, insurance covers nothing!

Round two. During all the visits you don’t actually see the doctor, I am ok with this because the nurses are awesome, super sweet,and most of them have actually dealt with fertility issues themselves. After a sonogram the nurse tells me that they are cutting my Clomid dosage back because, come to find out, they were actually afraid I was going to be the next octomom with me having 6 good eggs. They had started me on the lowest dosage to begin with so now I had to start cutting my pills in half. The next sonogram showed that I had four or five really good eggs and again talked about doing another IUI, but decided against it. Round two…FAIL.

Round three. From the get go, we had decided that we would do this three times and give it a break, so this was it. I had decided that we would do everything this month, so that if it didn’t work at least I knew we had tried everything, no regrets sort of thing. At this point they had put me on half a pill and only for three nights. Normally they have you take it for five nights. When I went in for my sonogram where they see how many eggs I have I pretty much lost it when I got the results. One egg. I lost it, not in a making a scene sort of way, but in silent,heartbreaking, gut wrenching sort of way. I held back the tears while the nurse was talking to me and tried to remain optimistic. Then it came out “ Erin, we actually think you have been getting pregnant, but we think it just isn’t sticking”. Their reasoning…most women on Clomid have issues with their lining getting thinner, I did not have that issue, exact opposite in fact. She told me that we might want to consider a D&C to get rid of some of the lining that may be to thick for actual implantation to take place. Uhhh, no thanks! On December 24 I had another IUI. This time the doctor himself did it. The nurse told me she asked him to come in that morning specifically to talk to me and do the IUI because they knew I was frustrated and discouraged. I asked the doctor if he thought this was a waste of time (and money) since I only had one good egg. He told me he tries to get women to have one, sometimes two eggs, but no more than that. In fact he told me that doing an IUI with anything above three eggs would be reckless. WAIT, WHAT??? So why was I allowed to have an IUI the first go around with 6 good eggs? Still don’t know the answer to that one. Round three…FAIL. So now what? Now we take a break and step away from what has dang near consumed me for the past two years. How long of a break? Don’t know, maybe a few months maybe a year.

All I know is this. God is good. He is in control and I am not. I am beyond blessed with Abby and Dave and actually feel selfish sometimes for wanting more. God is bigger than science and medicine and all things infertility.

In Remembrance

twas' 11 days before Christmas, around 9:38
when 20 beautiful children stormed through heaven's gate.
their smiles were contagious, their laughter filled the air.
they could hardly believe all the beauty they saw there.
they were filled with such joy, they didn't know what to say.
they remembered nothing of what had happened earlier that day.
"where are we?" asked a little girl, as quiet as a mouse.

"this is heaven." declared a small boy. "we're spending Christmas at God's house."
when what to their wondering eyes did appear,
but Jesus, their savior, the children gathered near.
He looked at them and smiled, and they smiled just the same.
then He opened His arms and He called them by name.
and in that moment was joy, that only heaven can bring
those children all flew into the arms of their King
and as they lingered in the warmth of His embrace,
one small girl turned and looked at Jesus' face.
and as if He could read all the questions she had
He gently whispered to her, "I'll take care of mom and dad."
then He looked down on earth, the world far below
He saw all of the hurt, the sorrow, and woe
then He closed His eyes and He outstretched His hand,
"Let My power and presence re-enter this land!"
"may this country be delivered from the hands of fools"
"I'm taking back my nation. I'm taking back my schools!"
then He and the children stood up without a sound.
"come now my children, let me show you around."
excitement filled the space, some skipped and some ran.
all displaying enthusiasm that only a small child can.
and i heard Him proclaim as He walked out of sight,
"in the midst of this darkness, I AM STILL THE LIGHT."
Written by Cameo Smith, Mt. Wolf, PA

True Story

A few weeks ago we went out for a girls night dinner to celebrate birthdays. We were at a family restaurant, nothing fancy, and we were waiting for our table. I am not kidding when I tell you this. A family walks in (mom dad and daughter, there may have been more but I went into shock) and let me tell you what I saw. This little girl who was around 7 was wearing a special little outfit. Think of the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, now down size that junk to a 7 year old. Yep!! Are you in as much shock as I was?? Seriously, these parents let this little girl out in public with her entire belly showing, wearing boots and a skimpy little vest over her bra thing.

This completely blew my mind, and still does. What in the world are these parents thinking?? I know that Dave and I are way more on the conservative side of things, especially compared to people around us, but come on! And to make it worse…there was a whole gaggle of these little girls dressed like that..not kidding, they are a cheerleading team. It blows my mind that there are parents out there allowing and even worse, encouraging their daughters to dress like this.

Last summer we went round and round about putting Abby in dance because of the stuff most studios have their kids wear and what they listen to. Luckily we found a Christian studio and the girls at no point what so ever are allowed to wear anything that shows their belly, not at practice and not in competition. They are also not allowed to listen to anything dirty or dance provocatively, even in competitions. Their motto is let little girls be little girls. I love that and agree with that 110%. It really weirds me out when I see little girls in makeup and hoochy outfits, its just odd.

I also over heard a conversation over the summer in the dressing room. A mom was upset that her daughter did not want a bikini but instead felt more comfortable in boy shorts. The mom was actually mad and said “well all your friends are going to be in bikinis”

My whole point to this is that as parents we are to guard our children's’ hearts. We are what keeps them on the right path and we are the ones who need to teach them right and wrong. Why do we encourage little girls to act and look like grown women? We need to stop pushing our little ones and let them be kids, life is hard enough, let them enjoy this time.

 

Her Butterfly

 

A few weeks ago Abby and I went for a little walk down our street. Before we left the house I gave her a grocery bag so she could put things she found in there and take them home. I am not kidding when I say it took us at least twenty minutes to walk about 6 houses down because she was so careful about selecting the right things to put into her bag. When we finally get to the 6th house (which has security cameras around it…don’t ask) she looks down in the grass and sees this big beautiful butterfly. I knew right away that it was dead, but it looked like it had just landed there so it was still “standing” up.

Abby “ mommy, look at the buteeeful butterfly mommy, look do you see it”

Me “ yes honey its beautiful”

Abby “ mommy can I touch it? is it sleeping”

Me “ well honey, hes actually dead, it just looks like hes sleeping”

Abby “ no, his leg is hurt, that’s why he is resting, he has to fix his leg”

Me “ ok, well lets let him rest and we can keep walking”

Abby “ I will help him mommy, I will fix his leg”

And with that, before I could say anything she emptied out her bag of sticks, rocks, and leaves she had so carefully collected and placed them in a circle around her butterfly.

Seriously beautiful

The Elf That Got Away

 

After Christmas last year I was determined that we would have Elf on the Shelf this year. O yes, I had planned some fun/funny things for this little guy to do. I had spotted out creative places for him to venture to and some trouble he could get into.

Well here we are, three days into December (80 degrees and all), and I never got around to buying that elf. Dave and I were talking about it the other night and I think it was for the best.

Here's the thing(s):

- Abby is smart. Not that your kid is not, but she thinks of things most three year olds don’t, and you know what yall? She out smarts me all the time. I am not a good liar, like at all. I have the worst memory in the world and she has an excellent memory.

- I don’t like to lie to my kid, partly because it’s wrong, but mostly because I am no good at it. Again, I think it goes back to the memory thing, and the fact that I seriously lack in the creativity department.

- Abbys imagination is wild, beyond anything I have ever seen and I have worked with kids for 15 years. If anyone has spent more than 5 seconds with her you have met her kids (brothers and sisters), her friends, and some have been lucky enough to meet Seal and Owl. Yep, I am thinking that adding a little man with pointy ears that wanders the house at night might end badly for all of us.

- Last but not least, I don’t want to add to the exaggeration of Santa. Don’t get me wrong, I love Santa, and I seriously look forward to being able to use him to change behavior in an instant. However, I don’t believe I need to feed the big guys ego by letting his tight tights wearing little helper  creep around our house and cause me more explaining when Abby discovers THE TRUTH about Mr. Beer belly and his red nosed friend. Again, not good at lying and posses no creativity at all.

Here’s one story that has stuck with me for over ten years… I was teaching pre k (fours and young fives) and I was telling them about donating toys at Christmas time because some boys and girls don’t always get toys at Christmas time because their parents can’t afford it. One of the little kids looked at me and said “Ms Erin, why doesn’t santa bring them toys”? I was really caught off guard and I don’t even remember what my response was. All I remember thinking was that we don’t always give kids enough credit and we usually think they are so simple minded, they really aren’t and when we are honest with them they have a chance to show us that.

What never was

 

Growing up you usually dream of how your life will be when you are an adult. For most people it involves college, marriage, and kids. As little girls you dream of your wedding day and then the kids you will raise. Ask most any girl and they can tell you their hopes and dreams for their future.

But what happens when that dream fades and reality starts to sneak it’s way in? Can you mourn something you never had, or that was never yours to begin with?

What happens when you look back at your family growing up and realize that it wasn’t anything like you had remembered. You start to see the pain and hurt and anger that had been there all along. You often hear that children are products of their environment. What happens when you realize that you are the complete opposite of your environment? What happens when you see that you don’t want to be anything like the environment you grew up in? Even more, what happens when you realize that you don’t belong in what was once your home?

What happens when the marriage and kids that you had always imagined does not turn out the way you dreamed? Often times two people fall in love and start off on the same path. Somewhere along the way the path gets rocky and will shake you to your core. What happens when the one dream you share splits and you are left alone on your path? What happens when you the pain is too great to carry and you can’t take it any more? What happens when you realize in one moment that the dreams, hopes, and prayers you had are wasted and tossed aside?

Can you grieve for a family member that is still alive? Can you mourn for a child that was never yours? Can you let go of a dream that will never be?

God gives us the strength we need for each day. He is already there and knows what and who we will need that day. Sometimes, even if it was never yours to begin with, you need to let it go and give it to God.

That Moment When

That moment when you are at the park and you realize there is a mom more crazy and paranoid than you and you secretly do the “I'm a great mom” dance

That moment when you realize you put the blue paint cap on your bottle and are now drinking blue paint water…yum

That moment when the random old man at Wal Mart approaches you in the parking lot (with your child) and ask if you knew that there was a Sears outlet store on the other side of town where I can buy clothes half off. Yup, can’t make that stuff up. I guess I was not meeting the Wal Mart dress code

That moment when your three year old is showing how to do that Pilates move correctly.

That moment when your mother tells you that her and her bible study group decided we need an African fertility god statue in our room. We have hit an official all time low in phone conversations, but I think I know what will be in our stocking

That moment when someone asks you what today is and your response is “cycle day 14, it’s a good night” and realize you have spent way too much time at the RE

That moment when you realize that you would have shown up for work this week if that boss had not sent out that “reminder” email

That moment when you have already put the kids to bed and realize you are still watching Curious George

 

6 years

 

Dave and I have been married six years now! It really is crazy how time flies. I saw a  while ago a quote that went something like this “ You should always look back on your wedding day and think that is the time I loved you the least”, something like that. It really is true and I cannot believe how much God has worked in our marriage to make us as strong as we are now. My brother was over the other night and he said he believed that you should always put your children first in your marriage and then your spouse. I told him I totally disagree. I believe that God comes first, then your spouse and then your kids. I love that I have married my best friend and the man of my dreams (= I do know that if it weren’t for Dave I would not be the wife and mom that I am today. I know how blessed I am to have a husband who prays with me and for me, there are no words that describe what peace that brings me. I pray all the time that Abby will find a man as good and devoted as her daddy…but those are big shoes to fill.

Ice Cream Saved My Life…and other randomness

 

About three weeks ago, after we put Abby to bed, I asked Dave to run to Sonic to get me an ice-cream thing with the candy mixed in. This sadly is something that I usually ask for about three times a week and my sweet husband always gets it for me. So, he came back and I was about half way through mine and no joke, there was a hair in it!!! Not mine hair, no one in my house has blonde hair, someone else's hair! I almost threw up right there.

Last week Abby and I had our first day of school, and it went really good for both of us. To celebrate, we decided to go to Baum's (lessoned learned and not soon forgotten from Sonic) and get a treat. I love the soft serve ice-cream there and so I placed my order and sat down to enjoy. About five bites into it, I hand it over to Dave and ask if it taste funny. Yep, sure enough it had gone sour at some point! So, I am done with ice-cream for a long time, and my belly and my wallet are much better without it!

Not kidding you this is Abby in dance class. The first day of class the teacher said a bazillion times ( I heard because I had to stay in there with her) that they are not to play on the bars. I will give her this, there are kids in her class that are almost 4 and obviously have a lot more self control than my daughter who is not even three yet, but yep, she is like a little monkey in there! Dance is going really good, we were off to a really rough start, both of us cried at some point her first day, but now things are a lot better. I was never a dancer, and I really thought she would not want anything to do with it, but I will let dance her heart out as long as she wants.

Preschool is going really good for both of us. My class is really young, but super cute and for the most part happy to be there. I find it funny that the ones who are crying the most are the boys, kinda odd. Abby loves her class and pretty much tells everyone what to do and how to do it. She is one of the oldest in her class and she knows it. One of the teachers told me she is three going on 25, yep, I know this already!

We went to lake Murray last weekend. It was perfect weather. Abby hated the boat the first day and didn’t want to get off it the second. Go figure. She even kept her life jacket on the whole time with out complaining. We got home Sunday afternoon and that night when I went  to put her in bed there were ants all over her bed!! I totally freaked out (shocker I know), but seriously it was so creepy. It looked like someone had dumped a bucket of ants on her bed. They weren't any where else, just her bed. She used to, key word, sleep with about 13 stuffed animals, she is now allowed two on her bed. We sprayed the heck out of her room and she slept in our room that night. we cleaned like crazy and have not seen a single one again. So bizarre.

Abby's birthday party planning is in full effect…ha right! I think we will get around to that in the next few weeks. I cant believe she is almost three, it really blows my mind. I asked her today to stop growing and she said “no, but you can grow to with me”. Melt my heart!

What can I Say

She is her daddy’s girl

This Year Is lookin Good!

I feel like I consider the start of school as my new year, not sure why, but I do. I am really trying to get Abby pumped about what new things are coming her way, and it’s not looking too good.

Me: “ Abby, aren’t you so excited, you start your new dance class on Monday”!

Abby” No mama, I don’t wike dance and I don’t want to go”.

Me “ Abby, I bet you are so excited to start school again. You are going to be in Mrs. Holly’s class with all your friends. Its for big girls, now that you are a big girl, you get a new teacher and new room”

Abby “ I don’t wike Mrs. Holly and I don’t want a new room. I want to always stay little. I don’t wike getting big.”

This year is off to an AWESOME start!!!

That's Why I Pray

Confession

 

I HATE bugs. Seriously, any and all, with the exception of a lady bug here and there. I am totally and completely aware that it may go to the extreme sometimes…and I am ok with that.

Before Dave and I found out we were pregnant with Abby we always lived in an apartment…on the third floor. I LOVED it! We never had any bugs ever, like ever ever! I guess they are too darn lazy to hike up three flights of stairs, and I am happy with that. I also loved the coziness of apartments. I am not one who goes with the whole “bigger is always better” philosophy, and actually big houses freak me out with the amount of travel Dave has.

So, the other morning Abby and I were in the kitchen and she says “ O no mama, dirt”! Completely not uncommon in my house, but I look down to check it out anyway. Then I find this guy ( or his brother)

 Ugh!!! We get these nasty things a lot and they always ook me out. Well, I thought I lucked out because he was not moving. So, I spray him with the Lysol (this is how I always go into battle ), and he still did not move. SCORE!!! I grabbed a paper towel (or ten) and picked him up, then it went something like this… Me “ ahhhhhhh he's not dead” Abby “ ahhhhhhhhh…….ahhhhhhhh”

Yep, I screamed like a little girl which in turned made my little girl scream like a little girl and we were not handling this situation well…at all. I finally managed to spray it till it was lifeless and get it cleaned up. I am so proud of myself for setting such a good,calm example for my daughter!!! Just for the record, if it’s anything bigger than that guy, I spray it with the Lysol and then simply place a glass over it until Dave gets home. It works out better for all parties involved. No screaming, and the cat and Abby have something new to look at all day…I am just thoughtful that way!

4:23

 

Proverbs 4:23 Above all else guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

I love this verse, and  for some reason it has been running through my mind a ton lately. I feel like you could interchange “your” for “their” or “his/her”. I am so blessed to be able to stay at home and literally watch Abby grow before my eyes. I love to see the wonder, the excitement, the frustration, and the awe in her eyes. I feel like as her mom it is my number one job to keep her heart and mind pure as a long as possible. We recently canceled cable and I have not regretted it since. I know that as hard as we try, we will not be able to “keep her in a bubble” as some might say, but I will try. I will try to do what I know is right for my daughter and what the Bible says is right. I will protect her heart and her mind as long as possible, so that when the day comes and she has a choice to either follow the crowd or stand up against them she will do what’s right and not for one second totter on her decision.

I am so thankful for where we live. Collin County is the fifth richest county in America…seriously think about that. We are never in need of anything, we are never without what we need. Along with the good though comes the bad. I feel like on the flip side, as a believer I find myself living like a Collin County Christian sometimes. We go to church, we pray before meals, we give a little here and there…and then? And then we complain that our ac bill is too high, that our luxury SUV needs work, and that our bill at the restaurant was too high. What are we teaching our kids with all of this? Kids are sponges and they soak up EVERYTHING. As parents we need and HAVE to set an example.

Matthew 5:8 “ Blessed are the pure heart, for they will see God”

Along with guarding our hearts and our children’s hearts, we have to remain pure. There is so much junk (for lack of better word) that we are bombarded with on a daily basis that I feel like as a society we have become numb to what is ok to watch, read, and listen to. I still cling to “ If Jesus was standing next to you, would he be happy with what you are doing,watching, reading, etc” .  Last month we went to Norman for a few days. When we were in the hotel we were flipping through channels. I literally caught a 15 second glimpse of a preview for an awful movie. That night I had a really bad dream and I was really shocked because I couldn’t figure out where it came from. It finally hit me later on that day, it was from the preview. If 15 seconds of that can effect me that way, what does a whole movie, book, or song do to our minds.

With the school season quickly upon us, we need to remember that our children are going to be influenced by many people outside the home. You want to be the greatest example in your child’s life, or someone else will be.

Be careful little eyes what you see
It's the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings
Be careful little feet where you go
For it's the little feet behind you that are sure to follow ~Casting Crowns. “Slow fade”